The Special Paradox
How It Messes Most People Up, And How Certain Individuals Overcome It
The Special Paradox
How It Messes Most People Up, And How Certain Individuals Overcome It
Written by a human, for humans, always.
Has anyone ever told you that...
You’re special?
There has been a lot of research in recent years that has gone into what happens psychologically to people when they have been told that they are special.
This idea...
That you are special...
Has its recent roots in the era of self-esteem.
The idea was...
That if children believe that they are special...
It will improve their self-esteem...
Which will lead to them being more successful in life.
But...
Did it work?
Well...
This is where it becomes a bit more interesting.
For the vast majority of people...
No.
In fact...
For those people, it ends up backfiring completely.
In the long-term...
Being told they are special...
Actually causes them to have less self-esteem...
And struggle to accomplish much in their lives.
However...
There are some people...
A much smaller number of people...
Who are told that they are special...
And it becomes a launching point for their self-esteem...
Allowing them to progress through life in significant ways.
So the question becomes...
How is it that for most people...
It causes them to crash in their lives?
But for a couple of others...
It can create the opposite effect?
The answer...
Exists in the Special Paradox.
See...
What does it mean to be “special”?
That may sound like a simple question...
But the answer is really revealing to how being told you’re special will impact your life.
Most people believe that “special” means that they are “above” others.
They are exceptional.
In whatever areas of life they perform.
So, how does this play out?
When you are young and are told you are special...
And you believe that makes you exceptional and above others...
You begin to expect that you will perform better than others in those areas.
Early in life...
That may also be true.
Within the small part of the world you live in...
The people you are around the most in your school...
You may actually be the best.
This creates an expectation...
That this trend will continue.
But what happens as we progress in life?
We begin to sort ourselves together with others who have similar interests and/or talents.
Whether it is in getting to higher levels of sports...
Or moving into college programs...
Or trying to land a job...
We stop being compared to others who have a wider variety of skills...
And start comparing ourselves to people with the same types of skills...
Many of whom have also been told they were special...
And believe themselves to be exceptional.
The result for most...
Is that they begin to compare themselves with these others...
And start to see the gaps between themselves and other exceptional others as closing.
This can create multiple challenges...
Such as comparison syndromes...
Fear of being less-than...
Imposter syndrome...
A sense of entitlement that causes others to dislike us and see us as challenging...
And more.
This still happens to people who end up proving themselves to be truly among the best...
Such as with Olympic athletes.
Just because you “are” exceptionally...
Does not necessarily mean that you do not have struggles...
Especially emotional, mental, and spiritual challenges...
Many of which develop around this idea of “special”.
Now, it is possible to overcome these challenges...
But it may require multiple types of therapies depending on the extent to which it plays out.
What about the other types of individuals?
How do they understand “Being Special”?
The way they look at it...
Is instead of being special as something that “elevates” them...
They see being special as something that applies to “everyone”.
A great way to think about this is looking at animals...
Which is the better predator?
A lion or a crocodile?
Well, they are both special predators.
The lion is significantly better on land, while the crocodile is significantly better in water.
While both are special...
One is not above the other.
They are simply differences...
Each of which can be enjoyed together.
What makes this approach different from the previous approach?
In this approach...
In understanding that although there are special aspects of each of us...
There are still many lions...
And still many crocodiles.
Just because you are a lion...
Does not automatically make you the top lion.
Just because you are a crocodile...
Does not automatically make you the top crocodile.
There is a grounding in reality that...
Even if we are special within the greater context of everything...
Within our own areas of strengths, we must still “earn” the top position.
Nothing is given.
Even those who may have more “natural” ability can “lose” everything if they do not work for it.
Plus...
With an understanding that others are also special...
It allows these individuals to see that within different areas of strengths, there are different types of specialities...
That there does not need to be a ranking when strengths understood properly can be applied in unique ways.
This allows them to navigate in different types of ways that allow them to stand out...
Mixed with seeing them use their strengths in ways that are not entitled...
Which makes them stand out and more likely to become recognized.
The more recognition they receive...
The more likely they are to rise up further.
But they understand that even if they are special...
It does not take away from others’ specialness.
This is how the Special Paradox ends up playing out.
Being told that you are special is not really what determines how you move through life.
It is what you believe special means that determines it.
If you see special as something that places one “above” others...
You paradoxically struggle to make your way up.
If you see special as something that distinguishes, yet not inherently hierarchical...
You paradoxically tend to move through designed hierarchies with greater ease.
If your specialness makes you focused on yourself...
Others paradoxically never see how you are special.
If your specialness makes you focused on others’ specialness as well...
Others paradoxically begin to pay attention to your specialness.
What is important in this...
Is that the paradox plays out based on how it is really applied...
Not how you attempt to make it appear.
Meaning...
If you try to “appear” like you care about others’ specialness...
But all you really care about is your own...
It does not really work out.
It only works if you genuinely approach it.
Now I know...
There are some people who may ask...
What about people who do “make it” to the top who are narcissists?
The first thing I would ask is whether they are “truly” narcissists...
Or if that is simply something that is “stated” about them?
The second thing I would point you toward...
Is that in a world where people “are” compared...
If the options are one narcissist versus another narcissist...
Often...
One will win out over another for any number of other reasons.
This is usually where we hear the “lesser of two evils” argument play out.
But the reason is that everyone being compared within that circumstance of “specialness” is similar in this respect...
And the type of people we would “rather” see in those areas simply are not there.
The Special Paradox is still playing out...
But so few people genuinely approach and honestly experience the second version...
We find ourselves in situations around the world where that option simply does not exist.
The rule still applies...
It just is not always seen.
So...
If you want to begin to truly stand out...
Without all of the problems that we have discussed...
You need to begin to see your specialness not as a competition...
But as a uniqueness that exists within a greater ecosystem of different types of uniqueness.
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