The Exemplar Alienation Effect
The Challenge That Most People Are Not Ready For When They Seek Improvement
The Exemplar Alienation Effect
The Challenge That Most People Are Not Ready For When They Seek Improvement
Written by a human, for humans, always.
As humans...
We are such odd creatures.
Often, we are living amidst each other in strange ways.
What do I mean?
Well, let’s look at one specific example...
What I’m calling the “Exemplar Alienation Effect”.
See...
As humans...
There are needs and desires that we have that are built into us...
Such as the need and desire to grow and cultivate ourselves...
And the need and desire to live within groups.
These are ingrained into how we function at our best from a psychophysiological perspective.
With this, we know a few things as humans...
Such as the common phrase “birds of a feather flock together”...
Meaning that we tend to develop very similarly to those we are around.
It is not a guarantee (Thankfully, as some might consider that a death sentence!)...
But generally, we do end up very similar to those we spend the most time with.
So...
You would imagine that as humans...
If how we feel and perform our best requires us to grow and cultivate ourselves...
And that if we spend time with people who do this...
Then we would naturally put ourselves into groups that would allow this to happen.
Yet, here is where our oddities begin to surface.
When you become really good at something...
I mean, you become exceptional at it...
Others begin to see you as an exemplar of that...
Someone worthy of paying attention to.
You would think that naturally this would lead you to finding others who are similar...
Or them finding you...
But one thing that I have seen over and over again in society...
Is actually that true exemplars begin to feel alienated from others.
Instead of finding others...
They feel more alone.
What happens?
There are four things that happen simultaneously.
First, is that as an Exemplar, you put yourself into a different league from others...
The further you go, the fewer individuals there are...
And within that smaller league...
People may be more dispersed.
Second, those who are in that league may see each other not as allies or competitors...
But as enemies.
The result is that instead of camaraderie, you find silos at the higher levels.
Third, is that others who are in lower leagues stop seeing the exemplar as a regular human...
And often begin to treat them as an idol.
They put expectations and beliefs on that person...
Which simply are not true.
This can lead the exemplar to trying to hide the more human aspects...
Or do everything in their power to live up to the image of idolatry they have become...
But, at least subconsciously, they know they are still just a human...
And they cannot turn to those who are worshipping them.
Fourth, is that as you grow to higher heights...
Your successes begin to show others what is possible...
But simultaneously, it reveals to them their faults.
Often, when people are confronted with their shortcomings...
Especially in the presence of an individual who shines so brightly...
It may be too much for them to handle...
Causing them to actually run away from the exemplar...
Choosing comfort amidst others who do not shine as brightly.
When these combine...
You begin to see a deep alienation that occurs within the exemplar...
Where it seems that they have two internal desires and drives...
To become excellent at something and to belong to a group...
But they seem to be at odds with each other.
Are they truly at odds?
Not necessarily.
But it can absolutely feel that way in reality.
What makes this difficult for so many people...
Is that the idea of “becoming the best” is regarded as such a desirable thing...
That most people do not question what difficulties may exist.
So...
They begin the journey of becoming an exemplar at something...
They begin to have successes...
But over time...
They begin to discover the fullness of their humanity...
The parts of their lives that are not usually talked about when thinking of what it means to be the “best” at something...
And suddenly...
They feel alone.
Cold.
In a world that does not understand them.
They can try to talk to others about it...
But they are met with confused looks from individuals who live in a different world.
They try to become a light of hope for others...
But those others turn away...
So scared of their own shortcomings and failures that they instinctively run away.
What is one to do in this situation?
I have seen different paths from people.
I have watched people who were exemplars fall off and disappear.
I have watched exemplars begin to hold themselves back so that they do not get too far away from others.
I have watched exemplars embrace the loneliness and alienation...
Becoming what many would describe as unhinged as the loneliness drives them mad.
Only a few have I ever seen...
That figured out a way to navigate life in such a way...
That they continue into new unknown regions of what they seek to become exemplars at...
While simultaneously discovering how to have real relationships with others.
Part of the reason why there are so few that achieve this, though...
Is because so few are aware of the danger.
They become so focused on being an exemplar...
That when they stop to look at the fullness of their life...
They begin to see the parts of their life that are in disarray.
It is not an easy path to discover...
Especially when others on similar paths are also unaware of this challenge they will face...
But it can be done.
There is hope.
But it is more difficult to attain if you are unaware that it exists.
It is like two pieces of land that are drifting apart...
It is easy to create a bridge between them early...
And you can continue to add to the bridge as they drift...
Yet it becomes very difficult to build the bridge when the land has drifted far apart already.
So what is the takeaway...
To reach the highest heights of humanity...
While avoiding things like the Exemplar Alienation Effect...
We need to truly understand the fullness of what we need as humans.
When we pursue a part of what we need at the expense of other aspects of being human...
That is when we begin to find ourselves in trouble...
And the longer we operate in this manner...
The more difficult the challenges become.
To Your Sageship,
Cody
P.S. - It can be Difficult to Figure Out How To Achieve…
Stress Optimization
Psychophysiological Freedom
An Exemplar Wayset
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