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Love And Work
My Fourth Anniversary And Understanding The Impact On My Business
When Most People Think About Their Work...
Especially when Looking at it from a Leadership or Entrepreneurial Perspective...
What they Do Not Think About is Love.
How Do I Know?
Well, We can Look at the Number of Businesses that have Failed because of their Impacts on People’s Relationships...
Or the Number of Relationships that have Failed because Individuals were More Focused on their Work than their Love...
Then there is One of the Most Common Reasons for Divorces - Money.
All of these Point to a Common Theme in Life...
A Strain Between Love and Work.
Some People Choose Love Over Work...
Others Choose Work Over Love...
But what Happens in Nearly All of these Cases?
A Lack of Fulfillment...
In Either Direction.
When We Lack Love Based on Inherent Worth...
We Feel Unfulfilled.
When We Lack Meaningful Work...
We Feel Unfulfilled.
From a Psychophysiological Perspective, Our Wellbeing Needs Both.
If We are Missing Either...
We will have Feelings of Struggle.
If We Feel One of these is “Taking Away” from the Other...
It can Create Feelings of Resentment...
One Way...
The Other...
Or in Both Directions!
Obviously, None of these Results are Ideal.
This is Why I Feel Very Blessed in my Relationship with my Wonderful Spouse.
As of Today, we have been Married for Four Amazing Years...
And Together for Nearly Eleven Years.
We Both have Businesses.
But Here is the Thing...
We Rarely Fight.
We have Disagreements of Course...
And We Always have Obstacles and Struggles that We Face...
But these are Always Minor Things that We Overcome.
We are Often Questioned about How We Work so Well Together as a Couple...
Sometimes to People’s Disbelief, based on Their Experiences.
So, How Do We Do It?
Here are a Few of the Things that have Made Our Relationship and Work Thrive.
The First Two may Sound Controversial, but at least for Us, they are the Basis of Everything.
We Put The Lord First.
Even Before Ourselves, God is First.
Second...
We Treat Our Marriage as Sacred.
In Our Tradition of Christianity, the Two Become One through Marriage.
What Does This Mean?
We Look at the Path Forward as “One”...
If there is a Path that is Only Good for the “Other”...
Then it is Not a Path We Take.
Decisions We Make...
How We Look at the Future...
How We Look at Each Other...
Is One.
To Be Good, it Must be Good for Both of Us as One.
Neither is Above Nor Below the Other...
We are Equal.
Yes, We May have Two Perspectives that We Need to Discuss and Understand...
But We Work Together, in Unity.
If there is Doubt, We then take it Up to the Lord.
In Everything, this is How We Approach It.
This provides the Basis for Everything Else.
If We are Looking to Grow in Life and Work...
We Grow Together.
This Does “Not” Mean that We Learn the Exact Same Things Necessarily...
But what it “Does” Mean is that We are in Agreement on Where that Growth is Directed.
If there is a Challenge or a Struggle...
We Support Each Other.
Now, this Does Not Always Mean We Completely “Understand” the Fullness of Certain Challenges...
Especially in the Domains of Our Respective Expertises...
But We Respect that the Challenge is “There” and We Seek Out Ways of How to Support Each Other “Through” those Challenges.
If the Challenge is Impacting One of Us, it Is Impacting Both of Us.
And Psychophysiology Reflects This.
All Stress Adds...
And When We are Hit with Challenges, it Will Directly Impact our HRV Patterns, otherwise known as a Drop in HRV Coherence.
Our Hearts, via Neurocardiology, create Electromagnetic Waves based on our HRV Coherence Patterns...
Which can Impact those Around Us, a Mechanism known as Entrainment.
So if One Person’s HRV Coherence Drops...
It Can “Directly” Cause the Other Person’s HRV Coherence to Drop.
This Means that it is in Both of Our Interests to Resolve the Challenges, and Raise HRV Coherence Together.
Now, I understnad that was all Very “Jargony”, but this is a Process that We can Map Out without the Use of Technology, and is Tied Closely with Emotional Intelligence, also called EQ or EI.
So, by Treating Each Other as Equal, as One, We Understand How these Play Out and Act Accordingly.
What Else Does This Do?
It Allows Us to Better Focus on Our Work “Because” We Know that We are Supported.
This is a Function of Psychophysiological Safety, which Creates the Base of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
In Fact...
When You Understand Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs...
You can Begin to Understand that a Strong Relationship Creates the First Three Levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs...
Physiological Needs, Psychophysiological Safety and Security, and Love and Belonging.
And When You See Each Other as One and are Dedicated to Supporting Each Other...
It Creates the Fourth Level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs...
Self-Esteem.
What Does this Allow For?
For Us to Work Together Toward Self-Actualization.
Then in Self-Actualization, since We Begin to Understand that We are Connected...
Both through Marriage but “Also” through How Life Works, what is Known as Interdependence...
We actually Begin to Reach into What Maslow Called Self-Transcendence.
When We are Greatest as Humans is When We Work Interdependently...
But the Thing About This is that What We Do in the Micro is Usually How We Act in the Macro.
A Marriage is a Micro Version of an Interdependent Community...
So in Living Strongly within this Micro Version of an Interdependent Community...
We Gain the Ability to Live Strongly in the Macro Versions of Interdependent Community.
This Means that within Our Work...
We can have a Stronger Impact on those We Work With...
Because We Understand and “Live” Strongly within Our Own Relationship.
The Micro Becomes the Macro.
So Our Businesses and Work are “Benefited” Based on Our Relationship.
This is What We have to Learn when it Comes to Love and Work...
It is All One.
Work Life and Home Life are Parts of Our “One” Life.
Neglecting One is Neglecting Both...
When One is Negatively Impacted, They are Both Negatively Impacted...
So to Have True Success...
You Must Have Success in Both.
All of it is Interconnected.
As Robin Wall Kimmerer Says...
All Flourish is Mutual.
In Love and Work, Both Must Flourish.
Those Who Seek Sageship Also Cultivate Others!
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So, I plan to Spend Most of the Rest of the Day with My Amazing and Wonderful Spouse…
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