How Perfectionism Destroys Our Potential
The Psychophysiology Of Perfection And How It Can Demolish Our Lives
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How Perfectionism Destroys Our Potential
The Psychophysiology Of Perfection And How It Can Demolish Our Lives
You Know the Old Saying...
Practice Makes Perfect...
Which has further been Amplified by Many...
"Perfect" Practice Makes Perfect.
For Many, this Becomes the Starting Point for a Lifetime of Struggle with Perfectionism.
I have worked with Many People who Struggled with Perfectionism, and Helped them Overcome It.
The Idea that "Everything" had to Be Perfect.
With Some it is that their Words Must be "Perfect"...
Whether it be in a Speech, Writing, General Communication, or their Marketing Copy.
Others, it had to do with Performance.
The Project had to be Perfect, or their Diet and Workouts had to be Perfect.
Everywhere they Turn...
They Found Themselves "Needing" to be Perfect.
Which...
Naturally...
Is Impossible.
We All "Know" this Logically...
Yet it Does Not Reduce the Impact of Perfectionism.
No Matter How Intelligent or Logical We Are...
Our Brains Seem To Completely Struggle with Overcoming Perfectionism...
Which then, as We See Time and Time Again...
Prevents Success.
But the Question is, "How" Does this Continue to Happen?
How Does Perfectionism Grasp So Many Individuals, and Keep Them Chained?
How is it that Perfectionism Destroys Our Potential?
Even when We "Know" We Can Never Be Perfect.
The first thing We Must Become Aware of is that the Reason We Struggle to Escape Perfectionism is because...
We are Stuck in the Brain Trap.
As a Society, we have become Overly Fascinated with the Brain.
Believing that if we "Just" get things Right in the Brain, that "Everything" will become Fixed.
Except...
That is Not how Psychophysiology Works.
The Brain is Not "Solely" in Control of Our Actions.
It is Powerful, Yes...
But...
We have Three Other "Brain Systems" within the Body that are Interdependent with the Brain.
This Means that they Think Differently from the Brain in Our Head, and can Impede the Functions of the Brain and further Direct Our Actions Toward Other Goals.
Including Toward the "Illogical" Need for Perfection.
But How Does This Happen?
For Many, it Begins in School (But is Not Limited to School)...
There is Something that We are Taught Frequently in School which Begins the Process...
If You Want Success In Life, You Must Do Well In School (Or Work, Etc.)...
If You Do Not Do Well...
You'll Live A Hard Life.
What Does this Do?
It Creates Two Parts of Different Identities...
There is an "Environmental Expectation" Identity of "Doing Well To Live Well".
Then, there is Us...
Trying to Discover "How" We can Do Well, which Begins the Process of Establishing a "Conditional Mask" Identity.
Our Environment Tells Us that a Form of "Safety" Exists in Doing Well...
And a Danger to Our Survival Exists in Doing Poorly.
We Begin to Form a Mask Identity of "Want To Do Well" to Survive...
Which begins to Create a "Reactional Shadow" Identity...
If I Do "Not" Do "Well"...
Whatever That Means, which We Have Not Discovered Yet, only making the Shadow "More" Terrifying...
Then My Survival May Be At Risk...
This, then Begins a Reaction within Our Nervous System, One of the Other "Brain Systems".
The Nervous System begins to "Look For" and "Catalogue" Anything that could "Potentially" Threaten Our Lives...
Regardless of whether it is a "True" Threat, or is Simply "Perceived" as a Threat.
We are then Shortly Introduced to Different Hierarchies...
In School it is Grades...
In Work it is Positional Leadership...
What these have in Common is that they Create a "System" of Survival which both the Brain and the Nervous System begin to Learn...
A Students have the "Best" Chance of Survival...
F Students are "Doomed" to Perish...
Now, we may "Logically" Know this is Not True, as we Know "Many" Vale Dictorians Do Not Rise to the Highest Positions, and Many Dropouts Have (I'm Also "Not" Saying Everyone Should Drop Out of School!).
But it becomes "Perceived" as True, and that is All that is Needed.
It then Follows that these "A" Students get into the Best Colleges, which Open the Best Careers, which Lead to the Potential of Becoming Billionaires.
Except, to get into these "Best" Colleges for the "Best" Chances of Survival...
Even a Simple "A" is Not Even Enough...
Only "The Best" are Even Considered...
Which Means...
You Need "Perfect A's".
This is Where We Begin to Directly Link Survival with Perfection.
In Our Minds, We Begin to Fear Anything "Less" than Perfection...
In Our Nervous System, We "Watch" for Anything that Could Prevent Our Perfection because it could "Also" Cause Us to "Perish".
This Even Plays Out with Who We Subconsciously Befriend or Avoid, as "They" Could become Threats to Our Survival.
Then, the Vicious Cycles Begin.
We Subconsciously "Know" that We Are Not Perfect...
But the Mask Identity We Wear Dictates that We "Must" Be Perfect...
This Creates a Constant Fear Based Loop...
We Know We Are Not Perfect...
But We Must "Appear" Perfect...
So We Worry About Failure, and Our Imagination Begins to Come Up with Worse Case Scenarios...
Which Reveal Our Imperfections...
Which Drive Us to "Appear" More Perfect.
When We are "Closer" to Perfect, Every "Tiny" Mishaps becomes a Gigantic Looking Smudge to the Credibility Of Our Mask of "Perfection"...
Only Causing More and More Stress to Perform...
When We are "Further" from Perfect, Every Action Reminds Us of Our Ineptitudes, and We Begin to Despise Our Weaknesses...
Which then Leads to Us "Subconsciously" Avoiding Those so that we can "Attempt" to Still Wear of Mask of "Perceived" Perfection to the Outside World.
Each Failure, No Matter How Small, then is "Remembered" in the Nervous System.
It Keeps a Catalogue of "Potential Threats" to Survival, and Each of these Missteps could Now Become Our "Demise".
Even if We "Know" that Grammar Cannot Kill Us, We Begin to "Perceive" Grammatical Errors as Threats to Survival...
Hence, the Grammar Police is Born, who are Not Only Watching for Their "Survival" but for Others as Well.
One of those "Right Things for the Wrong Reasons" Situations.
Now, as the Nervous System's Catalogue Grows, it can Begin to Create "Connections" of Potential "Threats" that Make No Logical Sense.
For Instance, it may See the "Red" of the Pen Marks, and begin to Flag Anything "Red" as Dangerous to Our Survival...
Hence, Why So Many People Fear the Flashing Lights of Police Vehicles, even when the Police Officers are Simply Going "Past" Us.
This Catalogue can become Extensive and Wildly Illogical Over Time...
But Remains with Us Until We Teach the Nervous System that Certain Triggers are "No Longer" a Threat...
Which You are Unable to Do Through "Thinking" and "Logic" Alone...
Hence, the Brain Trap so Many People are In.
But this Does Not Yet tell Us How it Prevents Us from Attaining Our Potential.
Within the Vicious Cycles that are Occurring...
Especially in Today's World...
There are Some Biases that Begin to Play Out.
We are "Told" Things like...
Success Is Easy!
Just Follow XYZ and You'll Never Worry Again!
Look at "All" These Others Who Have Succeeded!
Then You Begin to "See" and "Hear" this Everywhere...
Especially with Targeted Ads that "Follow" Us around the Internet on Multiple Devices.
This then Creates a "Frequency Bias" where We "Believe" these to Be True...
Even "If" there is No Solid Evidence to Prove Its Validity...
And Most of these Are Complete Lies or Skewed Fabrications that are Designed to Play Against this Bias...
Which Creates a New Problem for Us...
If These "Work", which We Now Believe because We Continue to "See" that it Does (Even if Logically It Does Not)...
Then "We" Must Be the Problem...
Which becomes New Evidence where Our Shadows Grow and Our Nervous System Stores More within its Catalogs.
We Also Begin to "Feel" that Society Expects More From Us...
Which Expands and Heightens the "Environmental Expectations" Identity...
Also Making the Shadow Identity More Fierce and Exaggerated.
All of these Begin to Play Out, Usually Subconsciously.
These Combine Together, and the Nervous System begins to "Lock" Our Brains into Paying Attention and Devising Plans to Avoid "Failure" at All Costs...
Which Now Prevents Our Brains from Accesssing Flow States...
Which is Where We Perform at Our Best.
In Fear, Our Brains become Locked Out of Flow States.
This begins to Cause More and More Stressors...
Some Imagined by the Brain and Magnified...
Others Real from things We have Begun to Avoid in Our Fears...
As these Stressors Grow, it Becomes Dis-Stress.
When Our Total Stressors Pass what is Known as Our "Stress Threshold", All of Our Survival Instincts become Magnified.
This is True "Dis-Stress".
The More Frequently We are in Dis-Stress?
The Faster Our Catalog in Our Nervous System is Built...
The More We Avoid Anything that Could be "Perceived" as Failure...
The Worse Our Bodies will Begin to Break Down.
We are Seeing this Occur in Younger and Younger Individuals.
Kids Under 20 Being Diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease.
With Too Many Simultaneous Stressors, Our Bodies Can Quickly Erode...
All Made Worse by the Vicious Cycles that are Playing Out.
Now, by Understanding "How" Perfectionism Plays Out...
You Begin to have the Power to Change and Do Something about it.
This is something that I Frequently work with Clients on, through Sageship Coaching and ANS-Serenity Sessions.
Do Not Allow Perfectionism to Destroy Your Potential.
Your Potential is So Much More than You Realize...
And You Can Begin to Unlock that Potential by Understanding How Your Psychophysiology Works.
It is Time to Unlock that Potential and Seek Sageship.
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Now that we Know the Problem…
We can Figure Out what to Do About It.
I’ll go Into the Different Parts of the Solution here.
I will also discuss a Healthier Way to Think and Understand the Idea of Perfection…
Which may actually Help You Reach Your Potential Faster.
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