A Common Phrase That Holds Most People Back
What It Actually Means Psychologically And What Most People Fail To Realize About It
A Common Phrase That Holds Most People Back
What It Actually Means Psychologically And What Most People Fail To Realize About It
Written by a human, for humans, always.
Many people say that they want success...
But the truth is that very few people ever have the success they desire.
Sometimes they get a taste...
A win here...
But rarely is it sustained.
There are a number of reasons that it happens.
However...
There is one phrase that has always irritated me...
Which many people say...
That ends up holding them back from the goals they have in life.
What is that phrase?
Some version of...
I was born this way.
Now before you freak out...
“Can” someone be born a certain way which creates valid struggles in their lives for the success they desire?
Absolutely.
But that tends to be the exception...
While the vast majority of people who claim they are born a certain way...
Are actually saying something else psychologically...
And what they are saying is why they are being held back.
What is it they are saying?
They do not want to change...
They do not want to become a different person from who they are...
They do not want to take time and effort to grow.
The truth of it is that...
Most people who claim to be “born that way”...
Are really just refusing to change that aspect of themselves.
But perhaps the more important question is...
Why?
If changing and growth would provide them with everything they are hoping for...
Why would they refuse to make a real effort toward that change?
Why are so many people...
So quick...
To accept that they are “born” a certain way?
It has to do with identity.
The phrase I was “born” this way...
Is actually a statement of identity.
It is a belief that they have developed in their lives...
That often they actually think is true...
That whatever “is” who they are.
That is an identity claim.
This is why people are so quick to refuse to change around identity claims...
The reality is that most people...
Only know a handful of identities they have...
And because they only know a few identities...
Losing any of them...
Feels like a tremendous loss.
See...
When it comes to our Psyche...
We seek a level of stability.
It allows us to navigate the world with courage, knowing that if something goes wrong...
We have something stable to fall back on.
But the problem of identity for most people...
Is that they know so few of their identities that it already feels unstable...
Made worse by the fact...
That the vast majority of identities people know...
Are inherently transitory.
What does this mean?
They inevitably change.
No matter how hard you try to hold onto them...
They end up changing.
Sometimes they are dramatic changes...
Such as when someone is let go from their dream job and becomes unable to get back into their career.
Sometimes they are more subtle...
Such as when a parent goes from raising a newborn to a toddler, to a child, to a teenager, to an adult.
These identities always end up changing...
Which becomes terrifying when we are desperate for some level of stability...
That is not there.
There is a reason that mid-life crises (more accurately, change-of-life crises) and empty nest syndromes are so common...
They are common examples of identities that are transitory...
That people held onto too tightly...
And end up feeling lost when they change.
In a similar way...
Most people who claim they are “born” a certain way...
Are actually holding onto a transitory identity...
And because they know so few identities in their lives...
They are terrified to lose any of their identities.
The result...
Is that instead of reaching out for what is possible and growing...
They latch onto what they have...
Claiming they were just born as such.
Is it true?
Rarely.
Does it cause people to fail?
A scary percentage of the time.
So...
What becomes the solution?
Understanding our identities.
Determining the difference between truly stable identities...
What I call Core Identities...
And transitory identities.
It is about beginning to learn and understand...
That there is a significant difference between “Core” and “Transitory” identities...
And “Important” identities.
There are many “Important” identities that are inherently “Transitory”...
Such as the identity of “Parent” that I explained before.
What it means to be a “Parent” changes throughout a child’s life.
What it means to be a parent to a newborn...
Is extremely different from being a parent to a teenager...
While it is a completely different and horribly painful experience to be a parent to a child who has passed away.
Though the “title” of “Parent” remains the same, and is “Important”...
It naturally changes over time and is “Transitory”.
An identity’s transitory state does not inherently have to do with its importance...
But its transitory state does inherently mean it is unstable.
That is the real problem that people need to understand...
Which of their identities are truly stable and Core...
And which are inherently transitory and unstable.
The truth is that most people...
Are desperately holding onto Transitory Identities...
Trying to keep them stable like sand in the wind...
Claiming those identities are simply how they were “born”...
But it is simply not true.
What most people need to understand...
Is that the majority of identities we have are transitory...
But they also only know a few of the many identities they have.
The fewer identities we truly know...
The more we latch onto them...
And the more devastating it becomes when any of them are transitory.
On the other hand...
The more identities we are aware of...
The easier it is to overcome the identities that change...
Because we have so many others we have access to...
Creating a more stable base.
Most of what we believe we are born as...
Is not actually true.
Most of what we believe we are born as...
Has to do with identities we have grasped onto since we can remember...
But which are transitory in nature.
If you truly want to gain the success you seek...
You have to stop holding yourself back with who you believe you were born as...
And become who you were meant to be.
To Your Sageship,
Cody
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